The New Face of Evil
I don't post that often but this needs to be said.For the sake of everything that is right and just in this world, please, for the love of God, will the makers of Reborn baby dolls, please cease and desist immediately.
My first encounter with one of these dolls was last weekend. A little girl was carrying a Reborn doll around, and for a moment I thought it was real. I thought, who would give this kid their baby to carry around, and I think this baby needs serious medical attention. Quickly realizing this was not a true newborn baby but a doll, I began to shutter and soul began to weep. This was by far one of the creepiest things I have ever laid eyes on, and I've seen the movie Kids.... twice.
I wasn't the only one fooled by this ruse. The others at the party also noticed this disturbing sight. Where are the parents-of-the-year, that left their child with this little girl? The kid even told me to support the babies head. No I wasn't holding it, I had to push it away before it tried to bite my neck.
For some reason, the past couple of days this doll has been creeping into conversations. Everyone that I've talked to about it agrees that it was either a child's plaything or that kid's going to jail for grave robbing.
The vision of that little girl, lugging that lifeless form around, has been burned into my psyche forever. Two posts ago I spoke of nightmares about zombies. Now imagine being chased by zombies but they all have the head of that doll. I don't care who you are, that mess is crazy son! Forget praying for world peace! I'm praying for the discontinuation of these dolls.
Somewhere in America there is a warehouse. And in this warehouse there are thousands of these soulless, Beelzebabies, waiting to be unleashed on visiting neighbors and family members. Can you image the workers on the assembly line, building Reborn dolls from scratch? Men and women, sobbing uncontrollably, gazing upon the morbid wasteland of rows upon rows of motionless, baby-shaped figures.
The Reborn doll does not simulate the experience of holding a warm, soft bundle of joy in your loving arms. This doll simulates the sensation of carrying around a dead newborn. Who would buy this for their child?
"Sally, we would like to introduce you to your new baby sister", then Sally tosses her new sister on the ground and screams "I hate broccoli!"
I did a little research so that I could better understand this abomination, rather than fear it for the rest of my life. I traveled to the Vatican, in Italy, and spoke with a very old priest. He escorted me into the bowels of the Vatican's vast network of catacombs. Sealed within the tomb of Pope Creepy Reborn Doll IV, I found my answers.
This is getting ridiculous. Even for me.
In conclusion, these dolls scare the holy begeezes out of me. Please Reborn doll makers. Stop it! In the name of the Cabbage Patch Kids, stop this madness!