You can't understand my pain.
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Rejection
I have been rejected.I'm sure everyone has felt the sting of rejection. No one enjoys the emotions that accompany rejection. Loss, fear, sadness, disappointment.
Exposing myself to the world, the sensation of vulnerability overcame me. My vision became blotchy, almost like I was about to faint. Like a flash of light I could see the effect of my actions unfolding before me in slow motion.
All of the signs were right in front of me. Presenting themselves on a silver platter, but the once glimmering sheen of the silver had become tarnished. I would like to think that I was not avoiding the signs before me, merely analyzing each detail. In a relationship such as ours, I slowly began to realize we had grown apart. The very foundation had worn away. The security of the strong connection needed to maintain control, even in the most trying of situations, was skidding out of my control. Control is important, especially when you depend on the party being reliable, even when your neglect had formed a breach.
Not only was the foundation being stripped away, the interactions were becoming louder. Holding conversations with others in the same space was a chore. The constant noise was aggravating to say the least. Just once, a moment of silence would made all the difference.
Where a strong seamless bond held our existence together, a hole had formed, allowing interference to pass unabated. It was only a matter of time before the day of our judgement would rear its ugly head. I knew it wouldn't get better. Every moment we spent together, the failures of my own actions spit in my face. The problems that had surfaced could be fixed but not without consequences. The broken pieces that had plagued our relationship could be rebuilt, even replaced. A rift would still remain but an understanding could be met.
There is hope that I may learn from this experience. I may become stronger in my convictions. I may also, continue my procrastinating ways, and repeat the process, time and time again.
Maybe next time I won't wait and say it will be okay when I know it isn't. Maybe next time when I hear a noise when there was no noise before, I will take care of it.
Now I have to ride around town with that damn rejection sticker on my windshield. Stupid car. On the bright side, it's only the exhaust and nothing too serious. I need new tires though so don't ask me to go to the movies.
I let you know if things work out.
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