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This from Michigan: Hell freezes over
How cold is it?
Cold enough for Hell to freeze over. Hell, Mich., that is.
If you think we have it bad when the thermometer dips below 20, Hell (30 miles southeast of Lansing) finally saw its first 32-degree day since early January on the 29th. It was below zero the first three days of last week.
Of the 166 residents in this rural town, 156 are said to sleep under electric blankets. The other 10 each use two electric blankets.
How are the Hell folks coping?
Barbara Barden, executive director of the Livingston County Convention and Visitors Bureau, said that although it's cold outside, Hell residents are warmhearted.
"We have the welcome mat out all the time," Barden said. "This is a big area for outdoor activities. Ice fishing, ice skating, tobogganing and skiing at big here."
The real measuring stick for Hell freezing over is a dam that creates Highland Lake in the center of town. The stone structure replaced a wood dam in the 1980s.
According to John Colone, the town historian affectionately known as "The Man from Hell," residents say Hell freezes over only when the dame becomes so jammed with ice it stops water flow.
When contacted on his cell phone, Colone said, "It (the dam) is frozen solid. It was 14.9 degrees below zero the other day, and that doesn't include wind chill. But we look forward to these cool downs here in Hell."
Said Barden: "It's been damned cold, if you pardon the pun. But people just love the outdoors here. We're only a 20-minute drive from Mount Brighton, a popular ski resort."
There are at least three theories on how this little Michigan town received its notorious name.
Theory one: Two German travelers got out of a curtained stagecoach one sunny summer afternoon, and one said to the other, "So schoene hell." Hell, in German, means bright and beautiful.
Theory two: Sometime later, George Reeves -- who with his two brothers came from New York in 1837 to stake a land claim -- reportedly said, "I don't care what you name it, you can name it Hell if you want."
Theory three: The area in which Hell exists is low and swampy. Years ago, traveling in Hell would have been wetter, darker and certainly denser with mosquitoes than other legs of the Dexter Trail -- which traced along the higher ground between Lansing and Dexter. You can picture the pioneers muttering expletives under their breath.
Colone said there are three districts in Hell: uptown, midtown and downtown.
"There are just three buildings in the town," he said. "Hell Country Store and Spirits is uptown, Screams Ice Cream in midtown, and the Dam Site Inn is downtown."
If you ever go through Hell, Colone suggests a stop at Screams Ice Cream, open 365 days a year with standing-room only on Halloween. There, you can fix your own sundae with toppings that you shovel from an authentic 1950s-style Transylvanian coffin. Choices include bat droppings (chocolate chips), toenail clippings (shredded coconut) and ghost poop (marshmallow).
On Feb. 29, you can be married free of charge at the wedding chapel in Hell.
On April 15 each year, hundreds of folks from all around Hell head to the post office -- located in the Country Store -- to get their envelope postmarked "Taxes from Hell."
"Every letter which goes out of here is singed to let people know they're receiving mail from Hell," Colone said.
The town's Web site -- www.hell2u.com -- is a hoot. It says Hell is "A Little Town on its Way Up" and carries a complete list of merchandise.
When asked if everyone takes in stride jokes about Hell being not hot or freezing over, Colone said, "Yes, of course. It's who we are."
Barden said sports enthusiasts from any state are invited to check out her wonderful outdoor county, which includes seven lakes and 50,000 acres of parks and recreation.
"Hope to see you in Hell someday," Barden said.
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